


Firewhisky in the Jar

by enchantedsleeper



Category: The Strange Case of Starship Iris (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, But don't worry - they get what's coming to them, Gen, Mentions of Thasia/Other Violet/Emily Craddock, Other, References to bullying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-23 00:30:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18538618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enchantedsleeper/pseuds/enchantedsleeper
Summary: [Sequel to jaggedwolf'sHogwarts AUficlet] In which Krejjh, Gryffindor team captain and star duellist, acquires a small shadow in the form of RJ, a second-year Slytherin. They find that having a protégée is harder than they had expected - especially when it means dealing with notorious Slytherin bullies Jennifer Golding-Frederick and John Goodman.Fortunately, Krejjh's friends have a plan - and it involves Firewhisky.





	Firewhisky in the Jar

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Hogwarts AU](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/475132) by jaggedwolf. 



> This fic honestly came out of nowhere for me - after I finished writing [The big picture](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18534340/chapters/43930906) I was all set to go back to writing _Adjusting_ , the RJ-centric post-Episode 10 fic that I've been working on for ages (and really need to finish). But then I let myself catch up on a bit of TSCOSI fic, because I've barely been reading any lately and I figured I could reward myself. I was reading some Tumblr posts by the always excellent [jaggedwolf](http://jaggedwolf.tumblr.com) and I came across the [DVD commentary](http://jaggedwolf.tumblr.com/post/184259573744/for-the-meme-the-tscosi-hogwarts-au-ficlet-i) for their [Hogwarts AU ficlet](http://jaggedwolf.tumblr.com/post/180807014439/something-involving-sanaarkady-platonic-or), which is super adorable, and at the end they wrote,
> 
>  _Also fun to think about - Krejjh looking at Brian-Violet and Sana-Arkady, and going: when do I get a underclassmen trailing me when is it my turn. (Somewhere, in the Slytherin dungeon, second-year RJ sneezes.)_  
> 
> _Finally, I like the idea of Sana’s prefect partner being Park. What a pair, y’know? Golden girl Sana alongside Park who is…Very Tired._
> 
> I was already cackling by the bit about second-year RJ sneezing but then I read the part with Very Tired Park being Sana's Prefect partner and I was gone. I had to write it.
> 
> Two days and 6,600 words of fic later (thank God for the Easter bank holiday weekend!) I present to you... Firewhisky in the Jar (or: How Krejjh Acquired a Miniature Shadow of Their Very Own). And yes, I am ridiculously proud of the title. :D
> 
> Note: characters in this fic occasionally use Britishisms (like "storage cupboard" instead of "supply closet") because it's Hogwarts, although I still imagined them speaking with their regular accents because otherwise that would be weird.

Krejjh sighs and rubs their shoulder as they step through the castle doors and out of the darkened grounds. Quidditch practice officially ended more than an hour ago, but Krejjh stayed back to do some recreational flying and blow off steam after a stressful practice in which they were forced to publicly dress down and dismiss one of the team’s Beaters and a Chaser for plotting to sabotage the Hufflepuff team Captain, Sana Tripathi.

Krejjh had already confronted both team members about their actions in private and informed them that they were off the team, but the two had turned up to practice anyway, hoping to win the support of their teammates against their Captain. Fortunately, the rest of the team are good people ( _Krejjh had thought that all of them were good people – clearly they needed to pay closer attention_ ) and refused to side with the two wrongdoers, but it had still forced a confrontation that Krejjh would rather not have had. Hence the blowing off steam.

Normally Brian would have been there watching and cheering from the stands, and commiserating with Krejjh after practice, but the Gryffindor team (mostly their two former teammates, now that Krejjh thought about it) had started to object to having a Ravenclaw watch all of their practices – even when Krejjh pointed out that he had his head in an Ancient Runes textbook 90% of the time. Also, Brian has a study session with Violet, his timid but brilliant third-year protégée, scheduled for this evening.

Krejjh is heading in the direction of the library, thinking about whether they can persuade Brian to give them a consolation backrub, when they hear raised voices coming from around the corner. Narrowing their eyes, they stand still and listen.

“-heard what you were saying about Park,” a small, angry voice that Krejjh doesn’t recognise is saying. “If you talk like that about him again, you’ll have to answer to me.”

There’s a smug, unpleasant chuckle that Krejjh unfortunately does know all too well. “Oh, really?” asks Jennifer Golding-Frederick, a wealthy and self-important Pureblood Slytherin sixth year. “And what exactly do you think you’re going to do to us, hm? Tell on us to Professor Jahansooz? He’s not going to take your word over  _ours_.”

“I’ll duel you,” says the small voice, quivering but determined.

Golding-Frederick’s chuckle is joined by the deeper, sarcastic laughter of John Goodman, her fourth-year henchman. “Oh, I’m terrified,” he says mockingly. “Do you even know any hexes? Because  _I_  do.”

“Try me,” the small voice bites back, and Krejjh has heard enough. Drawing their wand – just as a precaution – they round the corner to find Golding-Frederick and Goodman facing off against a short, redheaded Slytherin second-year. The second-year has their wand drawn, as does Goodman, though Golding-Frederick hasn’t bothered to draw hers yet. Beneath their freckles, Krejjh can see how pale the redhead is, but their wand arm doesn’t falter.

“Evening, fellas,” Krejjh says cheerily, not pointing their wand at anyone in particular but making sure that it’s raised and visible. “Couldn’t help but overhear your conversation. It sounded an  _awful lot_  like you were ganging up on a younger student.”

“If you were  _listening,”_  Golding-Frederick says lazily, completely unconcerned, “I think you’ll have heard that the second-year was the one who threatened  _us_. Goodman here merely drew his wand in self-defence.”

Krejjh scoffs. God, Golding-Frederick and Goodman (or as Sana has nicknamed them, “the JGs” – since both of them share the initials JG) are the worst kind of Slytherin. Every house has its bad eggs, and Krejjh has always got along perfectly fine with Slytherins, house rivalry or not, but Golding-Frederick and Goodman are the kind that give the whole house a bad name. Smug, privileged, self-important bullies.

“Doesn’t much matter who started it,” Krejjh says. “I’d like to think two older students like yourselves’d know better than to get into fights with a second-year.

“Then again,” they continue, taking a few steps towards Goodman and Golding-Frederick, “I’d also like to think you’d know to get the hell out of here before you find yourselves on the wrong end of a Stinging Hex. They’re my speciality.”

 _“Try it,”_  Goodman says menacingly, but Golding-Frederick shakes her head once.

“Leave them,” she says. “They’re not worth our time and energy.” She looks Krejjh in their team captain’s robes up and down, her gaze cold. “Birds of a feather flock together, I see,” she says, a nasty smile playing around her mouth. Krejjh has no idea what she means by that. “But you and your little group of oddballs had best not interfere with Slytherin house business again.”

“If you’re picking on younger students? I’ll interfere all right, I don’t care what house they’re in,” Krejjh replies hotly.

“Oh, Gryffindors,” Golding-Frederick says, smiling and shaking her head. “You and your  _chivalry_. It’s so  _quaint_. Come on, Goodman.”

After the two bullies have disappeared around the corner, Krejjh turns to the second-year Slytherin, who is staring at them in undisguised awe. “Uh, hey. You all right?”

“That. Was  _amazing_ ,” says the second-year in reverential tones. “You totally got them to back off! You didn’t even have to cast a single hex!”

“Yeah, Goodman and I have come up against each other on the duelling ground before,” says Krejjh. “– In duel club,” they hasten to add. “He didn’t come off too well. Doesn’t stop him from trying to start another fight, though.”

Krejjh thought the second-year’s eyes couldn’t get any bigger or rounder, but it turns out they were wrong. “You’re  _Krejjh_ ,” they say. “Aren’t you? Gryffindor’s star duellist! And the Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team.”

Krejjh preens. They have a  _fan_. Wait until Brian hears that they have a  _fan_. “That’s me,” they say, without a hint of modesty or self-effacement. Modesty is for people who aren’t prepared to own how  _awesome_  they are. “Captain Krejjh, at your service.”

“RJ McCabe,” the Slytherin introduces themself, cheeks pink. “I’m a second-year Slytherin. But uh, I guess you already knew that. I don’t really play Quidditch, but I think your flying is amazing! I was cheering for Gryffindor in your last match. Even though Park said I shouldn’t. And I think you’re really cool because-” The torrent of words suddenly tumbles to a stop, and McCabe looks embarrassed.

“Be _cause?”_  Krejjh prompts, not wanting to miss out on another compliment. Also, did they say Park? Isn’t Park the name of the other Hufflepuff Prefect that Sana is partnered with? Krejjh thinks it might be.

“Because. Uh.” McCabe sucks in a breath, and then says determinedly, “Because I heard that… you’re non-binary, and uh… I’m non-binary too? Hi.”

A new non-binary friend! This might be the best day of Krejjh’s life. “High heckin’  _five_ , pal!” they say enthusiastically, and hold up a hand. Looking a little taken aback, but pleased, McCabe high-fives it.

At that moment, Krejjh catches sight of the clock on the wall.  _“Breesht_. It’s almost curfew – you need to get back to your Common Room,” they tell McCabe. Then they remember that Goodman and Golding-Frederick are in their house, so the Common Room might not be the safest place to be right now. “Uh.  _Can_  you go back to your Common Room?”

McCabe nods. “Don’t worry,” they say, like  _they’re_  the one who should be reassuring  _Krejjh_  instead of the other way around. “Golding-Frederick and Goodman always stay out past curfew, and they never get in trouble for it because they’re Professor Jahansooz’s favourites. So they won’t be back to the Common Room for a while.”

Krejjh suddenly understands why Sana is always so annoyed at the mention of the JGs (and it takes a lot to annoy Sana). She must have tried reporting them and been outraged when there were no consequences. Unequal treatment does  _not_  sit well with Sana. “Right. Well, silver lining, I guess?” They smile at the little redheaded second-year. “It was nice to meet you, Second-Year McCabe. I’ll see you around!”

“Wait,” says McCabe, before Krejjh can go more than a couple of steps. “I need to ask you something.”

Krejjh turns back to them with an inquiring look.

“Will you teach me how to duel?” McCabe blurts out, and Krejjh blinks. “For self-defence,” McCabe adds hurriedly. “I’m not allowed to join the Duelling Club until third year, even though I’m  _really_  good at spellwork. We’ve covered a bit in Defence Against the Dark Arts, but it’s all for immobilising or defending against Dark creatures. I guess you’re not supposed to need to know how to deal with Dark humans until you’re older,” McCabe finishes, a little resentfully.

Krejjh is torn. They really want to help this small, determined second-year, who honestly reminds Krejjh quite a bit of themself three years ago – getting in over their head with older students, challenging them to duels and trying to copy their spellwork. Except that whereas in Gryffindor it was all pretty good-natured – all right, there was a heavy dose of one-upmanship about it, but that’s true of most things in Gryffindor – McCabe’s reasons for wanting to excel feel deadly serious.

Also, Krejjh is not a great teacher.

“I, uh…” they stall while McCabe continues to look at them hopefully. “Let me… think about it? It’s not something I’ve really, uh, considered before. Duelling is great! I’d just have to think about, uh, how to go about it. With you. I’ll let you know?”

“Okay,” says McCabe, looking pleased and so hopeful that Krejjh can’t bear the thought of letting them down. Breesht. This means they might actually have to teach McCabe how to duel.

“See ya,” they say, and walk quickly away.

* * *

“You think you’ve agreed to what?” Brian repeats at breakfast the next morning. Sitting next to him at the Ravenclaw table, Violet Liu looks on with wide eyes.

“Teach a second-year Slytherin how to duel,” Krejjh mumbles. “Don’t look at me like that, Jeeter,” they whine when Brian raises an eyebrow. “You didn’t see the look on their face! And the JGs are being really mean to them.”

“Wouldn’t the more logical approach be to talk to a professor about what’s going on so that they don’t  _need_  to learn how to duel?” Brian reasons. Krejjh looks at him blankly. “Didn’t occur to you, bud?”

“It’s not like the Professors don’t  _know_  what Golding-Frederick and Goodman are like,” Krejjh points out. “But Jahansooz is a useless Head of House. He’ll never keep them in line.”

“It can be tough when you don’t think that anyone will believe you about what’s happening,” Violet puts in quietly, and Krejjh brightens at the support, before sobering as they realise that Violet is speaking from experience. “My Head of House turned out to be really great about the whole… situation. But I talked myself out of going to her a dozen times. Maybe McCabe  _has_  tried talking to their Head of House, and it didn’t help.”

A gloomy silence descends as the three of them contemplate the situation.

“I mean, self-defence is a good thing to learn in general,” Brian admits. “And study groups are totally within the school rules. There’s nothing saying that you can’t teach them a few basic spells.”

“Except that I’m a terrible teacher,” Krejjh sighs.

Brian winces. “Except that. I mean, you’re great at what you do!” he hastens to compliment them. “Amazing. The best. But that just makes it… harder for you to explain it.”

“Yeah.” Krejjh looks over at the Slytherin table, where McCabe is eating with a few friends from their year. They’re not interacting a whole lot, but seem to at least be part of a group. Golding-Frederick and Goodman are down the other end of the table with a few like-minded cronies, looking and acting like the Slytherin royalty they perceive themselves to be. “Maybe I’ll wait for them to bring it up again. And if they do, I’ll… give it a shot.”

* * *

Of all the things, and people, that Park might have expected to run into on his evening patrol of the corridors, he has to admit that RJ McCabe staking out the Gryffindor Common Room was not one of them.

In hindsight, maybe it should have been.

“RJ,” he says, and RJ jumps guiltily as they turn to face him. “Are you waiting for someone?”

“Oh, hey, Park – how’s it going? Are you out on patrol?” RJ asks, a too-bright smile on their face.

Park raises an eyebrow. “No, sometimes I just wonder the halls of Hogwarts at night for the hell of it. Keeps the students on their toes,” he replies, deadpan.

RJ nods along as if this is totally reasonable. “As they should be,” they say.

Park looks at them and sighs. “Is there a reason that you’re currently standing outside the entrance to the Gryffindor Common Room?”

“Just, uh, needed to follow up on a thing with a person,” RJ says. “A friend. They… promised me something. I’ve come to talk to them about it.”

“Right,” Park says slowly. “And who might this ‘friend’ be?”

“No-one you would know,” RJ replies quickly, which of course only makes Park more suspicious. Who in Gryffindor would RJ be so keen to hide that they were meeting up with?

And then a possibility occurs to him.

“This wouldn’t have anything to do with a certain Gryffindor Quidditch team captain that you idolise, would it?” he asks, and RJ instantly looks guilty. “What, did they promise you an autograph?”

“Yeah… you got me,” says RJ. “I just think they’re so cool! I wanted to catch them after they were done with Quidditch practice, but I uh, didn’t know when that would be. And I don’t think the Gryffindor team would appreciate a second-year Slytherin hanging around the pitch during practice.”

“Probably not,” Park agrees. “It doesn’t look like you brought anything for them to sign, though.”

“Oh, Krejjh was going to sign their spare copy of  _Quidditch Through the Ages_  for me,” RJ says brightly.

“Of… course.” Something about RJ’s story seems a little off to Park, but he can’t put his finger on what it is. “Look, instead of you hanging out here all evening, why don’t I just give them a message for you? I see Krejjh in Duelling Club all the time. You can arrange a proper time and place to meet up instead of accosting them after practice.”

“That’s okay,” says RJ. “I wouldn’t want to make you be the go-between. I’ll just… catch them another time.” They’re already walking away down the corridor before Park can say anything. “See you, Park!”

Park watches them go and frowns to himself. Yeah, RJ is definitely trying to hide something.

* * *

“And then when I asked Thasia  _why_  they were making out with Emily Craddock and Violet Liu – the Slytherin fifth-year, not the Ravenclaw third-year – in the Potions supply cupboard, they replied that the Transfiguration supply cupboard was too small for three people!” Sana finishes, sounding like she can’t decide whether to be indignant or amused. She looks at Park for his reaction.

“Right. Yeah, that’s…” Park mentally replays the story that she’d been telling him to try and figure out the appropriate response. “Did you dock them house points?”

“Ten each, and I gave them all a  _stern_  warning. I really don’t want to have to report them to their Head of House if it happens again,” says Sana. She nudges Park. “What’s up? You seem distracted tonight.”

“It’s nothing, really,” Park says. “Just…” He hesitates, and then asks, “You’re friends with Krejjh, right? The Gryffindor Quidditch team captain?”

“Of course,” says Sana, sounding a little surprised. “We practice together all the time. I thought you knew Krejjh too, from Duelling Club?”

“Yeah, I do, but not that well. We don’t really talk much,” says Park. He and Krejjh have a friendly rivalry at Duelling Club that consists mostly of Krejjh showboating and making grand declarations about how they’ll defeat Park as they duel, while Park refuses to say a word and casts all of his spells non-verbally because he knows it drives Krejjh up the wall.

“Why do you ask about them?”

“I have a friend in second year, a Slytherin,” Park begins. “RJ McCabe. We grew up together, and our families are old friends. Earlier I came across them hanging around outside the entrance to the Gryffindor Common Room, and they said they were waiting for Krejjh, but they were pretty cagey about why. RJ is a big fan of Krejjh’s flying, but… something tells me it’s not just hero-worship.” Sana looks thoughtful. “Krejjh hasn’t mentioned…?” Park asks and trails off.

Sana shakes her head. “No, they haven’t mentioned RJ, but it’s been a few days since we hung out,” she says. “But what do you think RJ would be hiding from you that could involve Krejjh?”

Park shrugs helplessly. “I wish I knew. Maybe if RJ is in trouble, and it somehow involves the Gryffindor Quidditch team…” He isn’t expecting Sana’s face to suddenly darken. “What?”

“I had some trouble of my own with them, recently,” she admits. “I thought we’d managed to sort it all out, but…” She bites her lip and looks troubled. “I’ll ask Krejjh about it at our next practice. RJ doesn’t play Quidditch, though, right?”

“No, they’re just an enthusiast,” Park replies. “Maybe it’s nothing. They usually come to me if there’s anything bothering them.”

Sana smiles at him, and it’s a very knowing smile. “What?” asks Park, slightly defensively.

“You’re protective of them,” she says, sounding delighted. “I’ve never seen that from you before.”

Park isn’t blushing. He’s not. “I know RJ can look after themself,” he says, instead of denying it. “That doesn’t mean I can’t look out for them, too.”

Sana’s smile widens.

* * *

Krejjh looks at RJ across the empty classroom. RJ looks back.

Krejjh clears their throat. “So! I figured we’d start with a basic spell called Expelliarmus, which is the Disarming Spell,” they say. “It’s the first spell we learn at duel club. It’s like this.” Krejjh raises their wand and RJ copies them.

_“Expelliarmus!”_

RJ’s wand goes flying out of their hand. They grab for it, but it’s already landing neatly in Krejjh’s outstretched hand. They throw it back to RJ.

“Show me again,” says RJ, looking intent. Krejjh repeats the movement and the incantation.

_“Expelliarmus!”_

Krejjh throws RJ’s wand back to them again. “Wanna try it out?”

“Can you repeat the wand movement, but go slower?” RJ asks. Krejjh doesn’t think they’ve ever done anything slowly in their life, especially duelling, but they give it a shot.

“Does that help?”

“I… think so,” RJ says uncertainly. “Okay, here it goes.  _Expelliarmus!”_

Krejjh feels the spell wash over them and their wand twitch slightly, but it’s not strong enough to actually Disarm them. “I felt that!” they say, delighted. Maybe this teaching thing isn’t so bad.

“It didn’t work,” RJ says, frustrated.

“Well, not on your first try,” Krejjh reasons. “But I felt it. Try again!”

RJ repeats the spell, with the same effect. The next few tries are also exactly the same.

“What am I doing wrong?” they ask in frustration. “Is it the wand movement?”

“Maaaybe?” says Krejjh uncertainly. They should have invited Brian along to this impromptu duelling session – teaching and studying is much more his element. Krejjh can barely stay focused when someone else is doing the teaching.

But RJ had only cornered them at dinner to make their request for duelling tuition again, and Brian was already studying in the library with his own protégée, Violet.

Krejjh has always wanted a small, adoring shadow of their very own, since both Sana and Brian seem to have one. (Well, Arkady Patel is more scowling and resentful than adoring, but it counts). They just hadn’t bargained on it involving duelling lessons.

“Let me come stand next to you, and then I can see what it is you’re doing better,” Krejjh decides. With Krejjh standing to their left, RJ repeats the Disarming spell movement.

“Hmmm… Try it more like…” Krejjh demonstrates.

“I  _am_  doing that,” says RJ.

“I mean, like…” Krejjh shows them again, trying to emphasise the part that RJ isn’t quite getting.

“Okay.” RJ turns to them.  _“Expelliarmus!”_  Krejjh’s wand  _definitely_ jumps a little harder this time, but it’s not a full Disarming Spell by any means.

“Why aren’t I getting this?” RJ asks in frustration. “You make it look so easy.”

Duelling  _does_  come easily to Krejjh, which is exactly why they find it hard to explain what someone else is doing wrong. “You’re getting better! I’m just not… great at explaining,” Krejjh says sadly.

“No, you’re a good teacher!” says RJ hastily. “I just need to work at it.”

Krejjh leans against one of the desks. “You said you knew Park, right? The Hufflepuff Prefect? He’s in Duelling Club – why haven’t you asked him to show you some spells?”

RJ crosses their arms and looks down at the classroom floor. “I don’t want Park to know I’m doing this,” they mumble. “He’d only get worried, or try to take on Goodman and Golding-Frederick for me. And he’d want to know about what they’ve been saying.”

“What have they been saying?” Krejjh asks, quietly.

“Stuff about Park,” RJ says, their eyes fixed on the floor. “Comments about his… heritage.”

“As in his Blood Status, or…?” Krejjh asks.

“Both,” RJ replies, and Krejjh’s fist clenches hard. “They were just saying things about me at first,” RJ goes on, the flood of words coming quickly now. “In the Common Room, in the corridors… making half-blood jokes, making comments about my appearance. About my gender. It’s not just me they do it to, and I’ve learned to tune it out. But they figured out I was ignoring them, and that’s when they started in on Park.”

RJ looks up at Krejjh, eyes narrowed with fury. It’s a struggle for Krejjh not to show their own anger, but they can tell that getting worked up isn’t what RJ needs from them right now. “I don’t care what they say about me. It doesn’t matter. But I won’t let them talk like that about Park. I wish there was a way to teach them a lesson.”

Krejjh stands up. “You know what? I know some folks who might just be able to help with that.”

* * *

“All right, everybody, listen up,” says Sana, calling the room to order. The attention of the motley, unlikely crew of oddballs assembled in the Quidditch team changing rooms comes to rest on her. “First off, I’d like to thank you all for coming-”

Arkady Patel raises her hand. “Can we skip the touchy-feely intro?” she asks. “Also, why are we in the Quidditch changing-rooms, of all places?”

“Because none of the teams has practice booked tonight, and also it was the only place I could think of that was big enough that we could all access,” Sana replies promptly. “Next question?”

Arkady huffs, but subsides.

“Okay. So, we’ve come here to discuss a plan of action against two individuals who have been making life difficult for our friends and housemates,” says Sana. “Jennifer Golding-Frederick and John Goodman, also known as the JGs. Also known as bullies of the worst kind.

“Reporting them to their Head of House, Professor Jahansooz, hasn’t done any good, and believe me, I’ve tried. Other professors are also aware of their behaviour, but haven’t managed to keep them in line. Which has made us think that we need to take matters into our own hands.” Sana nods at Krejjh.

“We thought about playing some kind of a prank on them,” Krejjh says cheerfully. “Or trapping them somewhere really horrible, like a greenhouse full of Mandrakes. Unfortunately, those are hard to get a hold of at short notice.”

“Also, that would be  _highly unethical_ ,” says Sana disapprovingly, frowning at Krejjh. “No, what we decided to do was to get them caught in the act of some  _serious_  rule-breaking, in a way that even they couldn’t wriggle out of. We know that both of them get up to a lot of questionable things when the teachers’ backs are turned, because they know they can get away with it. We just needed to get some intel on what those are, and then figure out a way to turn the tables.”

“And did you?” asks Brian, sounding impressed.

“Did we ever, bud!” says Krejjh. “You know how consuming alcohol on school grounds is banned, even for of-age students? Well, guess who has an illegal Firewhisky brewing operation set up near the edge of the Forbidden Forest.”

Brian whistles, and even Park looks surprised. “Seriously?”

“Cross our hearts,” Krejjh replies. “We’ve got reason to believe they’ve been supplying it to underage students, too.”

“How the hell did you find this out?” Arkady asks.

“We have a spy on the inside: Violet Liu,” says Sana. Everyone immediately turns to look at Violet, who holds up her hands.

“Uh, not me. There’s another Violet Liu who’s in Slytherin house. She’s taller than me, and she’s a fifth year.”

“I mean, I’m pretty sure most people are taller than you,” Arkady points out. “What are you, five feet tall?”

Violet straightens up, looking indignant. “I’m five foot and half an inch,” she says.

“Right. Of course. I was  _way_  off.”

“Uh, so how did you get the other Violet to dish the dirt on the JGs?” asks Brian, bringing the conversation back on topic.

“I might’ve promised to look the other way on any supply cupboard-related offenses for a couple of weeks,” Sana admits, and Park snorts with amusement. Krejjh laughs too, because they know Thasia, and have had the opportunity to hear them complain about the smallness and cramped-ness of Transfiguration supply cupboards.

“I have no idea what that means, but okay,” says Arkady. “So, now that we know about the Beegees’ – sorry, the JGs’ – secret Firewhisky operation, how are we going to blow it wide open?”

Sana’s grin turns devious. “Funny you should ask.”

* * *

Jennifer Golding-Frederick walks the corridors of Hogwarts a few minutes before curfew, surveying her domain. Things are quiet tonight, which would normally please her, but tonight it makes her suspicious. They haven’t heard a peep out of that little imp McCabe lately, even though McCabe was making such bold threats towards them only a few days ago. Jennifer would like to think that they’ve subsided out of fear, but she knows better than to believe that. Annoying little second-years rarely learn their place so quickly.

“Goodman,” she greets her lieutenant as they meet up outside the Prefects’ Bathroom. Goodman, as a fourth year, is too young to be a Prefect, but access to the Prefects’ Bathroom is one of the perks that Jennifer accords to those students who are loyal to her. She also politely discourages the use of the bathroom by Prefects from other houses, although the Hufflepuff Prefects are remarkably stubborn about it. “Anything unusual tonight?”

Goodman shrugs. “All seems quiet. A bit too quiet, really.”

“Agreed,” says Jennifer grimly. “You should-”

She’s interrupted by the arrival of a very out of breath Meg Clark, a Slytherin third-year. “Jennifer,” she says, panting and resting her hands on her knees. “I mean – General, sorry,” she adds at Jennifer’s disapproving look. “We’ve got a problem. Someone tipped off Professor Eejjhgreb about the-” She glances to left and right, and then whispers, “the  _firewhisky operation._  They’re on their way down now to check out the tip.”

Jennifer isn’t easily rattled, but her heart jumps at the mention of Professor Eejjhgreb, who hates her and Goodman and also happens to be the Deputy Head of the school (as well as the Head of Gryffindor House), meaning that Professor Jahansooz’ protection won’t do them any good. “Is the Disillusionment Charm still in place?” she asks sharply.

Clark nods. “It is, but Johnson’s on guard duty tonight…” She trails off.

Jennifer swears. Johnson, a Slytherin fourth year, could charitably be described as ‘vacant’ (though Jennifer would more accurately describe him as “terminally moronic”) and has no ability to improvise when confronted by a professor. If Eejjhgreb questions him about what he’s doing down by the Forbidden Forest, he’ll fold like wet tissue paper. “ _Who_  tipped off Eejjhgreb, Clark?” she asks furiously.

“Uh… Some Ravenclaw, I think? Violet Liu? Though, I thought Violet Liu was in our house,” says Clark, sounding uncertain.

“There is a Ravenclaw called Violet Liu,” Goodman puts in. “A third year. She hangs around with Jeeter and his group.”

“Oh, I  _knew_  that lot would be behind this,” says Jennifer. “Goodman, stay here and keep an eye out for anything else –  _especially_  Liu, Jeeter, Tripathi, Park and the rest of their little gang. I’m going down to the Forest before Johnson gets us all put in detention for the rest of the year.”

“I’ll meet you back at the Common Room in an hour,” says Goodman, and leaves. Jennifer sweeps off at the most rapid pace that she can manage without breaking into a run.

* * *

Meg checks again that the coast is clear, and then knocks the agreed pattern on the door of the Prefects’ Bathroom:  _one two three one-two-three one-two-three. Musha rain, dum a doo, dum a da._

It opens, and Park emerges, along with McCabe, looking awestruck at the experience of being inside the Prefects’ Bathroom. Meg doesn’t know what all the fuss is about. She went in there once. It wasn’t  _that_  great.

“I did exactly as you told me,” Meg informs Park. “She’s on her way to the edge of the Forbidden Forest right now, thinking that Eejjhgreb is down there.” She holds out her hand. “Pay up.”

Park rolls his eyes, but hands over five Sickles and a limited-edition Chocolate Frog card: Sybil Trelawney, the legendary 20th-century Seer and great-great-granddaughter of Cassandra Trelawney. Meg’s collection is almost complete.

“Cheers,” she says. “Later, losers.”

* * *

Park watches Clark go, and shakes his head slightly. It wasn’t the greatest moment of his life when he approached Clark to bargain for her participation in the plan they’d devised, but fortunately she proved fairly easy to bribe.

“So…” says RJ, looking in the direction that Clark has just departed. “What now? Want to sneak down to the Forest and watch the show? I bet it’s going to be awesome.”

Park looks at RJ. They meet his eyes briefly and smile, but it’s strained, and they quickly break eye contact. “On second thoughts, maybe I should-”

“RJ,” says Park. RJ huffs and puts their hands in the pockets of their robe, shoulders hunched.

“Don’t  _start,_ Park.”

“Why didn’t you…” Park trails off, trying to decide which question he wants to ask first. “Why didn’t you tell me what Golding-Frederick and Goodman were doing?”  _Why didn’t you trust me to help you instead of a stranger from Gryffindor?_

RJ shrugs. “It wasn’t that big of a deal. No, Park, it really wasn’t – at first, anyway. They’re just bullies – I’ve dealt with bullies before. I don’t have any classes with them, so they only bothered me in the corridors sometimes and in the Common Room. I could just tune them out. I got pretty good at it, too, but then they… Then they started in on you. And I wasn’t going to let that pass.”

“You didn’t need to-” Park begins, but RJ interrupts him.

“Yeah, Park, I  _did_  need to. You know what friends do? They look out for _each other_. That means I get to look out for you, too,” RJ says stubbornly. “Or are you telling me you wouldn’t have done the same thing for me?”

“Of  _course_  I would have-”

“Great. Then that’s settled,” says RJ, practically glaring at him. Park reflects that he’s never felt so heartwarmed and chastised at the same time. He sighs, but then smiles at RJ.

“Fine. Did I hear that you were looking to learn some basic duelling spells? I’d be happy to teach you a few.”

RJ looks surprised. “Really? You’d do that?”

“Of course,” says Park. “That’s what friends do.”

* * *

Jennifer is out of breath by the time she reaches the location, in an out-of-the-way spot near the tree line, that she and her associates have been using to brew the Firewhisky. It’s concealed by a Disillusionment Charm, and protected by some basic Shield Charms in case any wandering animals or students accidentally stumble across it, but those are quite easily lifted.

The idiot Johnson is standing a few feet away from the concealed equipment, looking as gormless as ever. Jennifer strides up to him.

“Where are they?”

“Uh… where are who?” asks Johnson blankly.

“Where is _Professor Eejjhgreb,”_ says Jennifer impatiently. “They haven’t been down here?”

“Uh, nope, not that I saw,” says Johnson uncertainly. “And I mean, I’ve been here the whole time, so unless they have an Invisibility Cloak…”

Frowning, Jennifer wonders whether Clark could have been misinformed. But because Johnson is an idiot of the highest order, she decides to check on the brewing equipment while she’s down here. She walks over, and feeling for the Shield Charms, dismantles them and then lifts the Disillusionment Charm. Everything seems to be in place.

“Oh, she said to give you this,” Johnson calls from where he’s still standing as if rooted to the ground. He’s probably afraid of what Jennifer would do if he got too close to the equipment. It might well be the only smart judgement call he’s ever made.

Then Jennifer realises what he just said. “‘She’? What do you mean, ‘she’?” she demands, striding back over to Johnson.

“Some Ravenclaw… Wu maybe? Or… Liu? She’s like five feet tall, Chinese I think. She gave me this note.”

Johnson feels around in his pocket, and produces a folded piece of parchment. He hands it to Jennifer, who unfolds it and reads it.

“Is this a joke?” she demands.

* * *

John Goodman has just finished his sweep of the first-floor corridor (he ran into some goody-goody Ravenclaw Prefects on the way, but he’s made sure that they won’t be reporting him – not that it would really matter if they did) and is contemplating going down to the kitchens to steal some food when he sees something that makes his blood run cold.

Professor Eejjhgreb is walking through the Entrance Hall and out towards the grounds, a purposeful look in their eye. John scrambles to get down the stairs and catch up with Eejjhgreb, determined to waylay the Professor before they can go any further.

“Professor!”

Eejjhgreb turns, and in that instant John realises his mistake. “Ah. John Goodman,” says Eejjhgreb. “Just the student I had been looking for. Would you like to tell me what you’re doing out so far past curfew?”

“I – just came from my dorm,” says John, thinking fast. “There’s – a terrible emergency, uh, Seiders is sick-”

“Would this terrible emergency not be something for your Head of House to handle?” Eejjhgreb asks, raising an eyebrow. “But instead you are here in the Entrance Hall, and judging by the fact that you are not dressed for bed, I can only assume you did not in fact come from your dormitory, but were out past curfew. Detention, Goodman.” Eejjhgreb turns away and continues across the grounds.

 _Shit._  John runs to catch up with them. “Professor – there’s something you should know-”

“Is there?” Eejjhgreb asks ominously. “Could it be related to the illegal Firewhisky brewing operation that you and your friend Jennifer Golding-Frederick have been conducting on school grounds? Oh yes, I know all about what the two of you have been doing. You are already in serious trouble, and if you attempt to delay me any further, it will go even worse for you.”

John opens his mouth, and closes it again. He knows that the General is going to be beside herself if she finds out that he didn’t stop Eejjhgreb, but at this moment in time, he doesn’t think that any revenge she might enact would be worse than what Eejjhgreb could do to him. Besides, it sounds like she’s about to go down, too. John knows when to cut his losses.

“Yes, Professor. Goodnight, Professor.”

* * *

The note reads,

_This is for every student you’ve ground beneath your heel. You’re about to learn that you can’t push us around._

_Next time we won’t be so kind._

— _Rumour_

_P.S. Stand clear._

Jennifer draws her wand and turns towards the Firewhisky brewing equipment – just in time to see it explode in a ball of flame.

 _“Protego!”_  she shouts quickly, and a Shield Charm expands to protect her from any flying glass or debris. Next to her, Johnson has thrown himself onto the ground, hands covering his head.

 _“Woooohooooo!”_  A joyful shout comes from over the trees, and Jennifer turns to see two figures on a broom soar away from the forest: a skinny, shorter figure clinging on for dear life, and a tall figure behind them in red Gryffindor Quidditch captain robes, riding a broom like they were born to fly.

“We’ve been set up!” Jennifer exclaims angrily. She rounds on Johnson, ready to start berating him for his negligence, when an angry voice shouts from behind them.

_“Jennifer Golding-Frederick!”_

Jennifer turns slowly to see an irate Professor Eejjhgreb storming towards them, their eyes fixed on the still-smouldering remains of the brewing equipment.

“Professor-” For once, words fail her.

“So, you thought that you could evade punishment by destroying the evidence of your activities?” Eejjhgreb demands. They look from her to Johnson, who is still cowering on the ground. “Get up, boy.”

“No, Professor – that was Krejjh and their associate! I believe it was Brian Jeeter – he must have cast the spell from behind a tree–”

“Is that so? And where are they now, these miscreants?” asks Eejjhgreb. “Are they hiding in the Forest?”

“They flew away,” puts in Johnson. “On a broom.”

“How  _convenient,”_  says Eejjhgreb. They draw their wand, and Johnson flinches, but Eejhgreb merely pours water onto the remains of the brewing equipment, extinguishing the fire once and for all.

“Both of you, come with me,” says Eejjhgreb. “We’re going to see the Headmaster.”

* * *

Back in the safety of the castle, the three fifth-years meet up in the kitchens to toast their success. Of the three of them, only Krejjh isn’t a Prefect, but the company of two Prefects with spotless track records is a pretty good shield against breaking curfew. Sometimes, a little bit of mischief is warranted.

“Cheers,” says Sana, pouring out Butterbeer for the three of them, provided by a group of bowing house elves. “To a job well done.”

Krejjh downs half their Butterbeer in one gulp. “Man, it’s too bad about that Firewhisky, though.” They eye Sana, who has her schoolbag slung over her shoulder. “Are you  _sure_  you didn’t manage to steal just a little bit before we blew it up?”

“Of course not,” says Sana, sounding shocked. “That would be highly unethical.”

Park raises an eyebrow.  _“Did_  you take any?”

Sana glances around at the house elves, who are busily occupying themselves with cleaning dishes from that night’s dinner, and pulls out a sealed jar from her schoolbag. “Just, you know, as a backup. Additional evidence.”

Park shrugs. “Makes sense.”

“We should really test it, though,” Krejjh muses idly. “Just to make sure it’s the real deal.”

“Krejjh, you read my mind,” says Sana, unscrewing the top of the jar and pouring a little Firewhisky into each mug of Butterbeer. “Another toast! To freedom.”

“To showing the bullies who’s boss!” Krejjh declares.

“To... friendship,” says Park, and the three of them clink their mugs.

**Author's Note:**

> One thing that I've always loved about a good high school AU - and I don't go out of my way to read them, but I've read a few really good ones in different fandoms - is the way that you can basically throw together every character that's ever been in canon, all at the same time, in interesting ways and with interesting relationships, and _everyone is friends and cute and nothing hurts_. Okay, high school AUs don't _have_ to be like that, but my favourite ones are. And I enjoyed the heck out of writing this fic (because a Hogwarts AU is just a high school AU with magic) for that exact reason. 
> 
> After writing the relative emotional intensity of The big picture (and a lot of Adjusting is pretty serious as well) it was really nice to write something that was just funny and fun. RJ idolising Krejjh on the Quidditch pitch? Park being Very Tired and looking out for his smol childhood friend? Sana giving the school bullies a code name? Thasia making out with Emily and Other Violet inside storage cupboards? And of course, the chance to write a version of the Episode 10 finale involving exploding Firewhisky? WHY THE HELL NOT!
> 
> The only person I'm disappointed I didn't manage to include was Alvy. Maybe I'll have to write a coda. For what it's worth, I headcanon him as a Ravenclaw, though with his work ethic, maybe he'd be a Puff? Discuss!
> 
> Also, it was kind of weird to write Eejjhgreb (whose name I can finally spell without having to check the transcript because I've written it so many times) as the 'saviour' in this fic when they're such an asshole, but I don't think Eejjhgreb necessarily likes or sides with the gang, they just hate Golding-Frederick and Goodman more and won't pass up the opportunity to take them down. Also, they were the best "authority figure" I could come up with who would hate our villains and want to see them go down.


End file.
